Saturday, October 15, 2011


Repeating a twisted mantra to keep you sane?
A sickened shot of melancholia heading straight to my brain
only eases you to play a vile game
that inflicts a fatale pain to the heart,
to the core of the moment.
This moment of now.
This moment of uncertainty.
Now would be the moment for you to kiss me.
To hold me, to never let me go.
No. No.
This bond between me and you cannot be so,
only because I do not think you will ever know.
Know the sorrow, the woe I went through
just to be with you.
To be by your side
is to suffer the brutality of being alive.
Being purely human, as a human could ever be,
etching my sharpened nails across my flesh
to mourn the loss of my dignity. 
A woman locked, shocked, and blocked from ever being set free.
To see myself undergo a nightmarish attraction,
weakens my knees due to an overbearing depression.
I pray to God to give me some sort of clarity,
a divine intervention,
to save me.
Lord I say, “Save me
from my own misconceptions.
Bare your heavenly grace
to keep my eyes from looking at that man's exquisite face.”
A strange mysticism surrounding his company
brings me to the only reality
I have ever grown accustomed to.
As loathed as it might be,
at least to some degree,
I genuinely do -
unconditionally -
love you?
Love you
like a sinful form of taboo.
Only you
manifest your soul
into the prose of voodoo,
casting darkness over all I am.
Such idiocy I have,
so I have been told,
for my tainted form of Marigold.
As Robert Frost once addressed,
nothing can forever stay gold.
Naive as I am, I continue to hold on
to the silver lining's last beam
as inside I eternally scream
with a howling demonized creed.
Sew your seed,
let it bleed,
as it penetrates my body
and flares to my face - 

with a vermilion hue.
Born a weakling -
my conviction can never hold true.
Sometimes I wonder,
“Why do I crawl
through my skin, all the way
back to you?”

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