Letters To Claudia (If You're Happy, I Am Happy)

**Dedicated to my Aunt Claudia**

His scars completely sealed

with patches of darkened flesh so

perverse looking,

so undeniably noticeable...

everyone stops and glares

with intolerant eyes

at the incompleteness,

the "imperfect" wounds

that escaped his heart to surface

on the exterior parts of his body.

He only wishes she could see

the incandescent sting she left behind
as a nostalgic memory
concluded with a cliffhanger.

When he left her skin,

Spring bled out of

the only woman who had ever seen

dreams of his that

he expected would have been

tangible with her beside him.

Every quickened lash of the tongue spoke

words of a dear promise,
soaring upward towards
perpetual longevity.

Tears spilled over her glazed green eyes

through her letters...

yet, he will never forget

the whispers of happiness
that were hidden behind locks of gold,

the hand holding of youth
with dainty fingers laced around his arm,

the completeness of the irrational

logic that flooded their heads
during their endless days together.

He was so young...

yet, still, to this very day,

still so in love with her.

It has been years since he had

seen those tears fall down

into the palm of his hand.

Never being able to lend aid to her

stands as his only regret.

Never fully understanding

the complexities she underwent

back at home.

He wants her to know:

for the rest of their lives apart,

his hand will never loosen its grip -

the sun will set on this chapter,

and restore her faith by catch his notes

on every falling star

that is never too far

out of reach. 

Boy & Girl Meet One Reality

The taste of your tongue -
an assortment of exotic flavors

full of vitality and voluminous
telluric character

that blooms in each one quite
sporadically.

Pools of wet saliva build up inside the burrow of my mouth,

and slowly leak out from the sides due to the insatiable

craving I get just by grazing the lining of my lips

against the brim of your skin -

a certain Pavlovian condition that I

just cannot seem to shake.

Flesh goes numb in every crevice
the moment I see your body walk through my door.

When my mind starts dreaming of you
it grows into a vexing chore.
I instantaneously want
your heartbeat next to my ear,
your fingers coiled in my hair,
your every sigh perfuming my nose.
I want the heavenly bodies to know,
with taupe colored bows wrapped
firmly around these two conscience beings,
we are one.
Bounded together for the long haul...
forever can never be enough.

Every "hello" you utter, makes me realize
the short term agony,
the iridescent solitude
I feel when you whisper "goodbye".
Stay here with me just awhile longer -
bundle your arms around my waist
in such an adolescent fashion -
at the foot of my porch looking up,
so I can absorb every resplendent feature
about you and the sky above
that cradles us
in the prologue of
perpetuity.

Ryde Wit Chu (My God...)

Holding on to this moment
before I speak too soon -

 however, my lips cannot help but confess...
all I want to do is venture off with you
down this small town avenue,
down the rippling stream,
where subtle slurs are hardly ever what they mean.

Drifting downward to the meaning
of all the things I would ever need.

Planting the seed of loving greed
when I am alone with you.
So cold and yet so bewitching and fair.
Living with one heart,
never carrying a spare throughout our entire affair.
My eyes have always followed you
regardless of the maze I foolishly placed
my past life in.

Tears falling like diamonds from your eyes -
containing not an ounce of sin -

finding their way through the curvature and blunt edges
of your handsome face

with a droplet's hue of softened blue
that careens your cheek.

You smile like no one has ever made you -

as if no one can see the load

of exuberance emanating from you.

Just have faith in knowing that all I want to do,
is to continue to flow
against the current,
obliterating all odds
just to be with you.
You are my God I pray to for countless nights straight
under millions of witnesses
(known as the constellations):
Orion, Hercules, and both
Ursa Major & Minor -
to name a few -
just to feel you bestow
a sense of completeness
in my afflicted heart.
From the very start,
our eyes locked in such a way
that in my mind there was no alternate way
to flee the gravitational pull
of my attraction to you.

Symphony No. 16 in Mid-November

I beg of you

to never change the tone

of your whispers, of your mid kiss moans.

Grazing your hands over the fire in the flesh -

underneath it all...

overwhelming felicity

swells up inside the crown of your head

flaring both our cheekbones to a
Venetian red.

Before I utter one more consonance...

seal our fate with a single kiss,

on this avenue corner in the middle of town

where the world stops,

held captive by the speed of light,

where no one seems to say a singular

syllabic sound.

Make certain you know

where your hands

grace, where they glide

slip your palm so subtly in mine -
lace your fingers around my side.

The taste of your breathe,

the countless ways your eyes glean -

reminiscent of all the humanly royalties 

yet unseen.

Wrapped in the protection of your arms

as you tower me over the scene...

you reeled me in with velvet eyes.

Hypnotized by the constant tug and push

of your lips against mine -

kissing the words right out of my mouth.

Out through the rouged opening that could not

be torn from the surface of your skin.
Oh! How does it feel to be rescued again?

Hours pass by.

Passersby blurred out from our field of vision.

No sense of clear division

between our anatomical bodies,

between us and the celestial bodies,

between our feet and the Earth beneath.

If some people are lucky,
they will sharpen their hazy senses and see

how it feels to make contact with that one in million.

Passion in the eyes of the hungry at heart -

the thrill of discovering this much anticipated start.

Nestling my floored facade in between

your chin and scarf,

lulling myself into a state of sheer ease

with your body scent so sweet
by merging itself
with the midnight breeze I once knew.

Planting my feet close to fact,
I remain marveled by your magic
with the bright eyes
of an insomniac.
Strikingly speechless,

quivering in the cross hairs

of the autumn air...my reserves diminish

under the falling stars and
the poise of our first

goodnight.

"The Lovers II"
by Rene Magritte (1928)

Poppies (The Thrill Of Acceptance)

If you cannot accept someone

at their worst,

you are not worthy of them

at their pivotal best.

I give selflessly

unto you

a gift of a loving magnitude.

I beg of you not to shrug away,

fall into a field of poppies

reaping hastily the bounty of

the sacred, the wholesome, the lowly…like me.

That character does not suit you.

I love you for you

and the respect you bestow upon me

endlessly,

day by day,

with every kiss that heads my way.

Our attraction, a perpetual movement

into the ornate, starlit abyss -

the ambiguous driving force

of my actions

lead me into your grasp.

With tender fingers, so cool and collected,

to take hold with a spherical motion

and gather up all the broken bits

left behind.

You accept me.

I cannot say any one has treated me

so beautifully this way before;

however, here you are facing me

with eyes that plunge me into an erotic scene.

I cry incredulously

at the euphoric sensation I obtain

when I remain sleepless

throughout the night thinking only of you

and how you morphed me back into

the woman I once knew.

I never believed anything could be

as intoxicating as a stroke of the hair,

a fleeting look, a supple kiss

that opens my closed eyes to a world

so unforgettable as this.

So if a tug at my heartstrings is all it takes

to put my entire being at stake,

I will do whatever I must

to be with the one I pine for,

the one I lust,

the only one,

only you.

Perfect Day

What if I swore now

I would never let you roam alone,

wander the roads,

estranged and deranged,

lacking love…what would you say?

A patient “yes” from you

is what makes me live

for tomorrow.

Your glossy eyes, so meek and vain,

magnetizing me

ever so bashfully with mighty reigns.

A longing break from a recurring trance

to make my heart flutter impulsively again

without a single glance looking back.

A friend, a lover, the one

I see in you.

Fact holds true, what people say,

a historic past perpetually sets on 

that perfect day.

You are all I need.

All I want.

All that makes me crave

to be cradled in your arms evermore.

A hybrid of

grace and fear

only morphs into a pile of

agreeable tears that binds me

to an idyllic man.

You and I,

drifting into the surreal blue

that highlights the greater gain

of a reality that has long been due.

Oh destiny, how I need you

undeniably prepped

for our perfect day.

"Small Fish" Episode 5: "Nevermind The Issue At Hand"

When you put a group of small fish in a giant pool of uncertainty, it only causes a deep frenzy to run wild through their system. Anxiety, ambivalence and the direr need for a companion becomes more apparent as time goes on. I sit outside a local coffeehouse known as The Bean Bag. I soak in the diverse scene of lovers with arms wrapped around each others firm bodies and the hermits with their fragile loneliness engulfing their ambiance. People, in great multitudes, search everywhere to find that one they are meant to be with forever. Sometimes, it does not always work out that way. Sometimes they find you way before you find them. Love can strike you at odd moments in life. For instance, me sitting alone in a fixed position at the cafe can bring in many opportunities for me. Someone can easily join me in simple conversation about pointless pop culture facts, the random heatwave we are experiencing in mid October, my astrological sign, and so forth. Loneliness, in this example, is no longer an issue. What can become an issue is if Mr. or Mrs. Right is right in front of you...but you are seen with someone else. Even if the connection is simply platonic, persistence always pays off in the end...regardless of the consequences or "socially accepted" standards. If love has a chance to blossom, that chance should never (under no circumstance) be destroyed by fear or wasted wishing "I should have". Life is only lived once, and if once is not good enough when you finally reach the end of your line here on Earth, then you did not live fully. Period. Playing with a double edged sword is never easy. You either live in regret or take on a challenge when it hits you...head on! Dealing with love (true undivided love), there is no grey area that lies between success and remorse.

Gil did everything he could during their relationship to make it work. He would be the friend to keep all her dirty secrets locked away safely in his heart, the lover that would selflessly give copious amounts of affection to without ever prying for anything in return, and the boyfriend that tried to make matters pleasant when the going got rough. After weeks passed her by, Laurie finally came to terms with her love lost. A whirlpool of a toxic relationship finally ended with the truth surfacing. The anger and hatred she harbored for both Gil and Tonica, disintegrated amongst logic. She knew Gil was no good for her, at the same time she knew this distruction had to happen for her to slip into her new skin. A skin that fit her perfectly. I sat her down and rationalized how love is an action that should never be restricted, even if Gil's love was not with her. He found a woman who was just right for him. It did not make the way Gil handled the situation appropriate by no means; however, in the end he followed his one true passion, Tonica.  Tears fell down her rouged cheeks and a nod was exchanged. Under her auburn locks, Laurie comprehended all I expressed. Love is a tender flame, but sometimes you just have to never mind the issue at hand and find that person who is just right for you regardless of their immediate status. You are a small fish in a giant pool. The waters are frightening if you are alone.

Marigold

Repeating a twisted mantra to keep you sane?

A sickened shot of melancholia heading straight to my brain

only eases you to play a vile game

that inflicts a fatale pain to the heart,

to the core of the moment.

This moment of now.

This moment of uncertainty.

Now would be the moment for you to kiss me.

To hold me, to never let me go.

No. No.

This bond between me and you cannot be so,

only because I do not think you will ever know.

Know the sorrow, the woe I went through

just to be with you.

To be by your side

is to suffer the brutality of being alive.

Being purely human, as a human could ever be,
etching my sharpened nails across my flesh
to mourn the loss of my dignity. 
A woman locked, shocked, and blocked from ever being set free.
To see myself undergo a nightmarish attraction,

weakens my knees due to an overbearing depression.

I pray to God to give me some sort of clarity,
a divine intervention,

to save me.

Lord I say, “Save me

from my own misconceptions.

Bare your heavenly grace

to keep my eyes from looking at that man's exquisite face.”

A strange mysticism surrounding his company

brings me to the only reality

I have ever grown accustomed to.

As loathed as it might be,

at least to some degree,

I genuinely do -

unconditionally -

love you?

Love you

like a sinful form of taboo.
Only you
manifest your soul
into the prose of voodoo,

casting darkness over all I am.

Such idiocy I have,

so I have been told,

for my tainted form of Marigold.

As Robert Frost once addressed,

nothing can forever stay gold.
Naive as I am, I continue to hold on
to the silver lining's last beam

as inside I eternally scream
with a howling demonized creed.
Sew your seed,
let it bleed,
as it penetrates my body
and flares to my face - 
with a vermilion hue.
Born a weakling -
my conviction can never hold true.
Sometimes I wonder,
“Why do I crawl
through my skin, all the way
back to you?”

Ought To Be

Oh reclusive lover,

give me your frigid heart

if that cannot happen

finish your courting, at once, and I will be torn apart.

However,

if Eros works in my favor

you will have the abundant - 

flavor

of what is ought to be.

I will surrender my unceasing love.

Seal your fate

in a kiss to me.

Let that speak the words of loyalty.

If you are here,

then I would pray

that you are nowhere else.

Selfish by nature,

yet a shattered woman

truly vulnerable at heart -

it is at times unbearable to tear the two apart.

Salute (P.S. Do Not Worry)

Photo taken by Skye Lyon
at The Flaming Lips Concert 2011.

Death, the common equalizer, is what makes all humans purely human. No one person amounts better than the other. The hearts and souls, so beautiful and odd, created by a force other than our own evolution. Full bodied lips, the gateway to so many secrets hidden behind naive human flesh. We encompass everything and yet, resolute into nothing in the end but particles of iridescent light glowing in an afterlife together. A cornucopia of sinners, givers, believers, and lovers floating gently against the wind with an ascetic aura emanating all around. This, my friend, is what makes our life so precious. Blessed with so many gifts and yet we carry on everyday with such little gratitude. This is what everyone imagines Heaven on Earth to be. Do not worry. If you need my help, throw your hands freely up above and reach for the sky. Close your eyes and let your tears fall as the may.

Here I am.

"Small Fish" Episode 4: "Invitation Inside"

"I am left here, once again at the end of my line, to pick up the shards of my broken heart. I am not begging of you to change your reckless habits...I have been begging you for two years and it has been two years too long. I give you my word to never be subjected to your crap ever again. You can guarantee that. I have always loved you and would have continued to love you for the rest of my life; however, you take comfort in your neighbor's rebellious antics. It is a shame, they will never love you like I love you. This is the last time you will be hearing from me. I packed my bags. I am leaving tomorrow morning. Goodbye."

Laurie figured it was best to leave the letter on the coffee table and to walk away for good. Her pain evolved to anger and then from anger manifested itself into a virus spreading through her body like wildfire. How could any woman recover from a breakup that intense? How could anyone learn to move on from the one they thought was going to be theirs forever? Laurie's heart was no longer fancy free, but became stonewalled. She locked herself up like an animal back at her old condo; caged and barred from the outside world. Her thought consumed her mind, what did Gil find so appealing in this other woman? Was her lifestyle just too morally righteous? Lacking the edge that Gil found so attractive in Tonica, she thought if anyone would love her for the woman she was. If she did find someone that she developed feelings for, would she be guided by her emotions once again or would her intuition try to tame them. This can only make me wonder, how do you know when to leave "the cage door" open in your heart? Should "the door" ever be opened at all?

"Small Fish" Episode 3: "Missing X"

Lay down on your old college futon and relax with a large cup of Hawaiian Hazelnut coffee but focus all your attention to your daily dose of math in the morning. If you are starting to panic, do not worry. Just try to remember whatever you can surmise from high school Intermediate Algebra: the lessons of fractions, missing variables, and the complexity of polynomials. While attending school, I never took a liking to math as some of my nerdy friends did. I saw the rigidity of Algebra as being too linear for my subjective mind to soak in. Sometimes the human spirit cannot seem to fathom the idea of a solved answer without a little more explanation added on to the side. Society as a whole, like children, desire the emotional milk to take some of the bitterness away from the brash truth. As I flip through the coffee stained pages of my yearbook, I reflect about all those monotonous classes I had long ago and they raise many questions to mind. Maybe my old mathematics professors saw the beauty, the inner love story, the inner heartache, or simply the journey of life in the algebraic expressions they taught the class. Improper fractions symbolizing "imperfect" relationships and giving the proper steps on how to take the initiative to solve and simplify the situation. Beautiful moments in life undergo an equation through all the right circumstances and work themselves out to be positive whole numbers in the end. You never know. What about those people who do not experience the ecstasy or the trial, but feel something missing in the equation, in that case, how do you find your missing "x" variable? Laurie, an intelligent 27 year old law student, in the arms of her boyfriend, Gil, a 30 year old bartender, found herself trying to conceive the idea that they remained solid together after so long. Opposites in their own right, yet extremely compatible. Him with the wild child reputation and her with a sophisticated demeanor seemed like a match made in cinematic heaven. As happy as she found herself with Gil, she couldn't help but wonder if there was something lacking. At times she felt him close, very close. Other times Laurie felt him thousands of miles away. Everytime she questioned his distance, he would reply, "work." Work was not the problem. She murmured under a sigh, "the problem is you." Later that night is when the epiphany dreaded by most women finally hit her like a speeding bullet. His phone rang. It was 2:00 in the morning. It was Tonica. A full time stripper who lived right next door. Laurie heard the voicemail that was left. Gil's love was being shared with another woman.

"Small Fish" Episode 2: "The Grass Is Always Greener Effect"

Men and women alike tend to have the same theory when finding them self in a stagnant relationship: the grass is always greener on the other side. Can be this be a "mental defect" for modern day people on the tedious quest for love? Can people just learn to be content or has the rush of an American society reared our minds to think that "good just isn't good enough"? Are we that superficial or does "the grass is always greener" effect hold some truth to our hearts? While Jennie and McGyver explored the possibility of perfection in their cozy West Hollywood loft, a comic making a decent living on the Sunset Strip started wondering if his girlfriend was too "ordinary". This corky 32 year old was none other than Noel Minor and a good friend of Jennie's. Noel adored his girlfriend, Jillian. She was goal oriented, beautiful, and extremely structured; her downfall: a demeanor that was drier then the Sahara, jealousy that expanded beyond the horizon, and a sheltered outlook on life which made her conservative view point very rigid. With her few powerful good traits, Noel seemed to discount all the small irritants that peaked through whenever she lingered around him; however, was he straying? He loved her...but at times, genuinely hated her and wished he held a past love that seemed to slip too soon. Her name was Simone Barrett, also known as myself. Our relationship held to be quite a challenging one, but nonetheless, our partnership was sensual, affectionate, and an adventure of such a passionate magnitude. I loved him and I knew without a doubt he loved me (not to sound arrogant by any means). Why did it not work? Sometimes love can be shown in a heart wrenching way by letting go. Still to this day, I do not know if letting Noel venture on his own was the right decision in the end. After 4 years his number was still programmed into my phonebook, all the gifts he ever gave me laid around my apartment, and every moment spent together is still vividly rehashed every morning I wake up. So why is it when you do find "the one", you still need to find a way to convince yourself that something better lies ahead? When it is all set and done, "the grass is always greener" effect holds itself to be the catch-22 of no satisfaction.

"Small Fish" Episode 1: "Having It All"

An average woman roaming the streets can't seem to find inner peace within herself or locate a specific love "anchor" to accompany the success she has created around her. Is it genuinely possible to "have it all"? The holy trinity of a successful life - a money-making career, beautiful property along the countryside, and "the one" to spend the rest of your life happily with - depending on those three key elements, 99.9% of people stay grounded in a hectic modern world; however, can a woman of such high social ranking be content with only 2 out of 3? Having it all doesn't come cheap, neither does love. Maybe seeking a life companion is solely based upon sheer luck, not a sociological ratio. In Jennie's case, the "perfect man" in her eyes was a 38 year old college drop out, wealthy gallery owner by the name of McGyver. Being a smooth and suave gentlemen was only the tip of the canvas for a man of this status. His parents, multi-million dollar real estate investors, saved a large sum of their money to put towards McGyver's personal goals ever since he was an infant wrapped in the comfort of personalized Versace diapers. Jennie was hooked. The road to success comes at a pricey cost, unfortunately, her income working as a small town reporter for the local news station was not leading her to the high pedestal she always envisioned herself resting at. Through McGyver, everything she ever wanted was given to her explicitly. He showered her with only the most luxurious clothes a woman could ever want, being his stay-at-home girlfriend with him in his West Hollywood loft, and traveling anywhere on a whim was Jennie's fairy tale fantasy come true. Could this man be everything Jennie wanted? Or was the handsome McGyver just an illusion of prince charming? She wanted to "have it all" but was Jennie willing to "risk it all" for him?

Are You Going To Make Me?

Are you persuading me to forgive you?

I think it is about damn time you realize the torture you put me through.

No worries of the consequences attached.

No guilt lingering around your shoulders.

Given so many warnings - you made your point, you never cared.

It is not fair -

You are never going to make me.

Caught red handed, and you still made me witness you conversing so casually with my hated enemy?

Like a dog with its tail between its legs, I stood there outraged in my own passive way at the bottom of your staircase looking up.

You never once thought of the doubts you engraved in my heart.

It was never fair -

You are never going to make me.

Honestly, you are going to explain to me your "hopeless" sob story?

Covering your tracks beneath a mountain of lies?

Do not even bother.

Calling me at 11:00 at night just assures me of your idiocy.

Declaring your "love" for me could have never been so insulting.

In the end, I got what was fair.

You were never going to make me.

Toujours Avec Moi (Forever With Me)

S'il vous plaît trouver dans votre cœur pour vivre éternellement avec moi. A subtle wish and a lonely kiss that drives us closer to the brink of letting ourselves fall eternally away from who we are. Maybe it is the way are paths could never entwine into one, or the way our enemy is Time and his only son. Who can ever know? We venture off into the unknown, wondering what life can potentially be without the one we are "meant to be"...but can such a decision seem to flow so easily?

Yin and Yang, in the marriage of two opposites, learn to coincide together in the only harmonious way they can. Can we? Oh, my one and only love! Please spend forever with me. Fate lead me back into your arms and all I want to do is to spend my eternity solely with you. No one will ever know me quite like you - so from here on out I give all my heart to you.

The Flip-Flop Heart

"Diamonds"
Photo taken by Skye Lyon

A hazy cloud laying as a barrier between the only two fish in the sea you can see yourself with.  Both captivating your attention in any possible way they can. Both men mesmerizing to gaze eyes upon. Oh! the toil of a broken heart. A lost glance is the only reminder that there may not be a second chance. Why does she remain so blinded by the clear choice laying right in front of her? No illumination? In some way, she is tortured by her own intuition. The deceiving flip-flop heart needs to constantly be in a state of fascination. Can that be the cause of a woman's destruction? Ambivalence taken to voluminous levels cannot be healthy enough to function due to the grandfather clock ticking its hand at the wrong time. Waiting for love to materialize can take ages to come full circle, but if handle with ease, step by step, the path of enlightenment will guild itself into a treasure worth discovering.

Only Through Silence, We Listen

Sometimes silence bonds two people closer together more than words ever could. Listening to his heart beat can be the only noise that reassures me he feels the same way. Alone, he reaches out for my hand in the middle of an empty room or a crowded hall.

"Oh my love! with me you will never be alone...please dry your eyes."

Sigh...

"Why do I miss him so? Maybe it is because he owns the missing piece of my broken soul.
Do I think he will ever fall in love with the me he once knew? 'Yes' is the only answer I would wish upon my faithful star to be true."

Sometimes it can only be through silence - the absence of the one you love - you gain the insight lost during the course of your liaison. The prolonging mental distortion. Silence, in its mystic way, can bring us running back into each others arms. The words we once said in spite, seem to disintegrate, wounds from the harsh memories remain - but somehow life together learns to flourish again without a single flaw.

The Formula for a Traveler's Heart

Airplanes going to and from the starting points and the final destinations of many travelers leave the unfortunate residing on the solid earth longing for more. School children stop mesmerized at an aircraft so colossal, new possibilities shine like iridescent glitters on a lifeless metal frame. From across the pond, areas on opposite sides present themselves to shimmer like unopened toys on Christmas day, waiting to be discovered. It lures us in. Seducing our every being. It is luxury so indescribable, yet so frightening and foreboding. What makes us hold back, or better yet, who holds us back from venturing elsewhere? With the mindset of a nomad, yet the outlook of a child...we can be our own worst enemy by revert back into a foreign state of mind. Going forth is only an idea, but what is that one driving force that gets us moving? The answer: a vagabond's heart. The never ending sky, the only friend in plain sight, can be an inviting afterglow of fear as well. It haunts...and in some way...always reminds us of what we want to explore in our lifetime but gives us no direction to take. Se la vie!

Won By One

You broke through my wall with a hammer so powerful; I witnessed the sound barrier shatter before my eyes. Echoes reverberating off the walls of my heart kept reminding me of all the insecurities you destroyed in me.

It was a war won by one. It was my battle, but you gained victory.

You flung the fears that laid deep inside of me completely out of my body. Blood permeated everywhere - over the vicious and fallen. The incubus was brutally slaughtered with no breathe residing inside its departed shell. I laid helpless - fragile as a child - praying to God this was not Hell. I was stoned...utterly terrified of what would have been an alternate ending if you did not save the last of me.

It was a war won by one. It was my mental battle, but you let the sunlight in.

Captivating my consciousness, you will perpetually be admired as my hero.

The Spy Vs. The Supernatural

The moon, rusted with a sanguine color, crooked its menacing smile directly at the woman's face reminding her of the deeds she has done. She missed him. Longing for him day after day. She never thought the words of "love" would creep their way into her thoughts, but they somehow worked their way in. She continues to fall for this man every night she is not by his side...falling so deeply. A slight lust for him was all she held to be true up until that very moment she finally exhaled. Driving with eyes fixed on the road and hands firmly wrapped around the steering wheel, the woman trembled below her seat belt. She murmured sighs of discomfort and released tears deep from her being and out of her bloodshot red eyes. Her nerves grew unsettling by the minute...she had to pull herself together. She was drifting onto her right lane unknowingly. Now, more so then ever, she genuinely felt God laid this wonderful man in her path to finally present to her the true agape that she has been yearning for. The seeker is unmoving, and forever more unconditionally in love.

Side By Side: Wayne Coyne

Me & Wayne Coyne. 2011.

Sitting side by side next to the man who gave life to my favorite songs is extremely overwhelming. Next to Wayne Coyne, lead singer from The Flaming Lips, I was utterly stoned to the core fathoming to concept of how honored I was to take up some of his time talking about love, the marriage of life and death, and the incessant cycle of human wonder. For some fans, it seems as though it is but a distant dream. For me, by some sort of sheer luck, I was able to meet Wayne after the "Dark Side Of The Moon" concert on the 15th of June and be personally invited by him backstage. While talking to him, he confessed to singling me out of the crowd and singing the second verse of "She Don't Use Jelly" to me. Feeling incredibly flattered and the blood rush to my cheeks...I had to give this jolly, eccentric 50 year old, singer/songwriter a hug!

Me, Andy Dick, & Wayne Coyne.

One of his stage crew members gave me the set list for that night of the concert which he took in to his own hands and personally autographed. Oddly enough, while me and Wayne were talking about the night, Andy Dick appears out from the shadows of the stage and joins in. Epic.

Backstage, me and Wayne sat and continued talking. Laughter filled the air. "This is what life is all about," said Wayne, "you have to take advantage of every moment you get. Seize the moment! We have one life to live before death takes it away from us. If we don't live fully, then we could never be truly content with ourselves." I finally knew what he was trying to convey to me all along. Minutes went by, and still we sat. "I don't want to continue taking up all of your time. I know all these other people are here to talk to you as well," I said out of respect. Wayne gently put his hand on my knee an said in a soft endearing voice, "Don't worry. Your not taking up any of my time." We smiled. Pictures were taken and then goodbyes were finally said after a couple more minutes of inspirational talk.

Wayne singing "Money"
by Pink Floyd.

If I had the chance, once more, to converse with Wayne again, I would thank him for all that he told me. At that moment, I knew the spark had finally bled.

Thanks Wayne.

Normal Childhood Nightmare

When you turn on a light in the bedroom,

objects around you appear in tact...but the grotesque

thriving in the depths your fear will never cease to ignore you.

The innocence in your heart keeps the monster only wanting more.

With age,

the demons grow

immensely, haunting

you at every moment you have

alone. As a child remains frightened

of the bone chilling goblins seen only on Halloween,

the problem presents itself

quite clear to see...we find ourselves

trapped in a world scarier then any childhood 

nightmare we have ever fathomed

to encounter.

Broken Microwave

Sister, it has become such an ugly tragedy

when you find yourself destroying a lonesome machine,

in the sanctum of a kitchen.

No one could believe it.

Breaking the microwave

brings a rush of tears to my eyes.

How can I heat my freezer food?

It's all raw.

Cooking on the stove top makes no sense at all.

Happened so unexpectedly.

Feeling so chemically attached to something that's gone.

Catching a butterfly,

then having it fly away,

only brings me to say one thing,

"Hold on forever and love those

you never thought you could love.

Don't let them brake on you."

The empire could fall at any time

and you will feel that bond to something that's forgotten.

Fate Has A Funny Way (Short Story Intro)

In the beginning, the world was but an empty void. Full of darkness. Full of chaos. Nothing emerged out of its grip. Love was an unknown variable. Hate was never alive. It was an existence based on pure absence. Oblivion in which everything was perceived to be fictitious. Reality was but a dream, dreamt by fools and the Gods. Nature was motionless and uninvolved with man. Neither God nor Satan could ever explain what went wrong in the beginning. Life was cold. Dead. The cycle was corrupt until the day that purgatory finally ended. The sky was painted sepia. Heat was formed and created some sort of divine light. The reign of darkness was shattered. Eyes saw for the first time the beauty of being human...

After half a decade, Daryl never knew the life he once fathomed in his dreams and established from scratch would all fade away.

Now, planting his feet on the concrete in the same faded blue jeans he wore the previous day, Daryl contemplated the start of his new found loneliness. He stood there in dismay in the middle of a thunder storm watching the love of his life slip from his arms. Daryl was never a man of raw emotion but at that moment his knees trembled and his eyes teared but there was no movement towards the now estranged woman. Change slithered its way, like a snake in the grass, in between the 36 year old man and his fiancee. Confused as hell, he tried to think of the catalyst that brought his beautiful Zoe to the final solution of their separation.

Prudence & The Art of Arguements

Candle wax seeps beneath the gaps of a lovers belligerent yell,

while the partner that submits peacefully, instead yearns for the gates of hell.

Both take a trip alongside their ego claiming their thoughts hold true.

A shriek heard from yesterday was heated with hostile haste; but, all alone the woman obediently remains in place.

The night blows the candles out and wishes for the sun to rise.

The woman warned him not to forsake her in superior eyes.

Dawn will pass the kings final goodbyes.

Live one day more, die one day less.

Marry me,

bury me,

and leave me to rest.

Help Me Understand You...

It is all about that morning glory

when you wake up from your long due slumber

to find yourself next to that one woman who turned your life upside down.

Positioned in an embryonic form

curled firmly, frozen under the bed sheets,

you contemplate how you ever survived without her.

Unfortunately, you never made her feel appreciated.

You reeled her in as the only one you ever longed for,

then you cynically cast her away so coldly.

You know with all your divine intuition that she is your life;

however,

later that afternoon she gathers her belongings together

and leaves

without any hesitation.

In the afterglow of the night sky,

you finally realize -

you never did anything to stop the love of your life 

from saying goodbye.

A.G.E. (A Gracious Eternity, from Him to Her)





My fingers tremble over her graceful, aged face.

Her smile that hides beneath flushed lips,

emanate repressed thoughts that remain left unsaid.

I can only yearn to fully engulf myself in her timeless bounty.

Sometimes, when I lay alone in my room,

I laugh inside and welcome this woman

as my eternal sunshine in this everlasting splendor.

Every year that passes by, threads itself into our unbreakable bond.

She found me in a sea of moving, lifeless figures and set me apart.

At any moment, she can utterly tear me apart.

This I knew from the very start. She is the growing fire in my heart

that should never be dampened nor destroyed.

My hunger grows deeper.

Age has no explanation.

The Golden Loneliness

She is the epitome of everything I desire to be.
He is the everything. Absolutely everything my heart tries to find for me.
Every moment I revert inside, I would find a way to run and hide
hoping these doubts would surely die.
My mind yelling, "I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried, I tired!"
A deep breath, a strong hold.
I just have to let go of the gold.

Moods morph into the monster that grows hard to kill
and the wine flows over the brim. Seconds away from the spill.
Cannot take this lonliness; but all in all, the bitterness grows hard to tame.
Believeing truly there has to be a better time.
No more room for the nevermind's.
"It will get better", or so I have been told.
I just have to let go of the gold.