"Small Fish" Episode 3: "Missing X"

Lay down on your old college futon and relax with a large cup of Hawaiian Hazelnut coffee but focus all your attention to your daily dose of math in the morning. If you are starting to panic, do not worry. Just try to remember whatever you can surmise from high school Intermediate Algebra: the lessons of fractions, missing variables, and the complexity of polynomials. While attending school, I never took a liking to math as some of my nerdy friends did. I saw the rigidity of Algebra as being too linear for my subjective mind to soak in. Sometimes the human spirit cannot seem to fathom the idea of a solved answer without a little more explanation added on to the side. Society as a whole, like children, desire the emotional milk to take some of the bitterness away from the brash truth. As I flip through the coffee stained pages of my yearbook, I reflect about all those monotonous classes I had long ago and they raise many questions to mind. Maybe my old mathematics professors saw the beauty, the inner love story, the inner heartache, or simply the journey of life in the algebraic expressions they taught the class. Improper fractions symbolizing "imperfect" relationships and giving the proper steps on how to take the initiative to solve and simplify the situation. Beautiful moments in life undergo an equation through all the right circumstances and work themselves out to be positive whole numbers in the end. You never know. What about those people who do not experience the ecstasy or the trial, but feel something missing in the equation, in that case, how do you find your missing "x" variable? Laurie, an intelligent 27 year old law student, in the arms of her boyfriend, Gil, a 30 year old bartender, found herself trying to conceive the idea that they remained solid together after so long. Opposites in their own right, yet extremely compatible. Him with the wild child reputation and her with a sophisticated demeanor seemed like a match made in cinematic heaven. As happy as she found herself with Gil, she couldn't help but wonder if there was something lacking. At times she felt him close, very close. Other times Laurie felt him thousands of miles away. Everytime she questioned his distance, he would reply, "work." Work was not the problem. She murmured under a sigh, "the problem is you." Later that night is when the epiphany dreaded by most women finally hit her like a speeding bullet. His phone rang. It was 2:00 in the morning. It was Tonica. A full time stripper who lived right next door. Laurie heard the voicemail that was left. Gil's love was being shared with another woman.

"Small Fish" Episode 2: "The Grass Is Always Greener Effect"

Men and women alike tend to have the same theory when finding them self in a stagnant relationship: the grass is always greener on the other side. Can be this be a "mental defect" for modern day people on the tedious quest for love? Can people just learn to be content or has the rush of an American society reared our minds to think that "good just isn't good enough"? Are we that superficial or does "the grass is always greener" effect hold some truth to our hearts? While Jennie and McGyver explored the possibility of perfection in their cozy West Hollywood loft, a comic making a decent living on the Sunset Strip started wondering if his girlfriend was too "ordinary". This corky 32 year old was none other than Noel Minor and a good friend of Jennie's. Noel adored his girlfriend, Jillian. She was goal oriented, beautiful, and extremely structured; her downfall: a demeanor that was drier then the Sahara, jealousy that expanded beyond the horizon, and a sheltered outlook on life which made her conservative view point very rigid. With her few powerful good traits, Noel seemed to discount all the small irritants that peaked through whenever she lingered around him; however, was he straying? He loved her...but at times, genuinely hated her and wished he held a past love that seemed to slip too soon. Her name was Simone Barrett, also known as myself. Our relationship held to be quite a challenging one, but nonetheless, our partnership was sensual, affectionate, and an adventure of such a passionate magnitude. I loved him and I knew without a doubt he loved me (not to sound arrogant by any means). Why did it not work? Sometimes love can be shown in a heart wrenching way by letting go. Still to this day, I do not know if letting Noel venture on his own was the right decision in the end. After 4 years his number was still programmed into my phonebook, all the gifts he ever gave me laid around my apartment, and every moment spent together is still vividly rehashed every morning I wake up. So why is it when you do find "the one", you still need to find a way to convince yourself that something better lies ahead? When it is all set and done, "the grass is always greener" effect holds itself to be the catch-22 of no satisfaction.

"Small Fish" Episode 1: "Having It All"

An average woman roaming the streets can't seem to find inner peace within herself or locate a specific love "anchor" to accompany the success she has created around her. Is it genuinely possible to "have it all"? The holy trinity of a successful life - a money-making career, beautiful property along the countryside, and "the one" to spend the rest of your life happily with - depending on those three key elements, 99.9% of people stay grounded in a hectic modern world; however, can a woman of such high social ranking be content with only 2 out of 3? Having it all doesn't come cheap, neither does love. Maybe seeking a life companion is solely based upon sheer luck, not a sociological ratio. In Jennie's case, the "perfect man" in her eyes was a 38 year old college drop out, wealthy gallery owner by the name of McGyver. Being a smooth and suave gentlemen was only the tip of the canvas for a man of this status. His parents, multi-million dollar real estate investors, saved a large sum of their money to put towards McGyver's personal goals ever since he was an infant wrapped in the comfort of personalized Versace diapers. Jennie was hooked. The road to success comes at a pricey cost, unfortunately, her income working as a small town reporter for the local news station was not leading her to the high pedestal she always envisioned herself resting at. Through McGyver, everything she ever wanted was given to her explicitly. He showered her with only the most luxurious clothes a woman could ever want, being his stay-at-home girlfriend with him in his West Hollywood loft, and traveling anywhere on a whim was Jennie's fairy tale fantasy come true. Could this man be everything Jennie wanted? Or was the handsome McGyver just an illusion of prince charming? She wanted to "have it all" but was Jennie willing to "risk it all" for him?

Are You Going To Make Me?

Are you persuading me to forgive you?

I think it is about damn time you realize the torture you put me through.

No worries of the consequences attached.

No guilt lingering around your shoulders.

Given so many warnings - you made your point, you never cared.

It is not fair -

You are never going to make me.

Caught red handed, and you still made me witness you conversing so casually with my hated enemy?

Like a dog with its tail between its legs, I stood there outraged in my own passive way at the bottom of your staircase looking up.

You never once thought of the doubts you engraved in my heart.

It was never fair -

You are never going to make me.

Honestly, you are going to explain to me your "hopeless" sob story?

Covering your tracks beneath a mountain of lies?

Do not even bother.

Calling me at 11:00 at night just assures me of your idiocy.

Declaring your "love" for me could have never been so insulting.

In the end, I got what was fair.

You were never going to make me.

Toujours Avec Moi (Forever With Me)

S'il vous plaît trouver dans votre cœur pour vivre éternellement avec moi. A subtle wish and a lonely kiss that drives us closer to the brink of letting ourselves fall eternally away from who we are. Maybe it is the way are paths could never entwine into one, or the way our enemy is Time and his only son. Who can ever know? We venture off into the unknown, wondering what life can potentially be without the one we are "meant to be"...but can such a decision seem to flow so easily?

Yin and Yang, in the marriage of two opposites, learn to coincide together in the only harmonious way they can. Can we? Oh, my one and only love! Please spend forever with me. Fate lead me back into your arms and all I want to do is to spend my eternity solely with you. No one will ever know me quite like you - so from here on out I give all my heart to you.

The Flip-Flop Heart

"Diamonds"
Photo taken by Skye Lyon

A hazy cloud laying as a barrier between the only two fish in the sea you can see yourself with.  Both captivating your attention in any possible way they can. Both men mesmerizing to gaze eyes upon. Oh! the toil of a broken heart. A lost glance is the only reminder that there may not be a second chance. Why does she remain so blinded by the clear choice laying right in front of her? No illumination? In some way, she is tortured by her own intuition. The deceiving flip-flop heart needs to constantly be in a state of fascination. Can that be the cause of a woman's destruction? Ambivalence taken to voluminous levels cannot be healthy enough to function due to the grandfather clock ticking its hand at the wrong time. Waiting for love to materialize can take ages to come full circle, but if handle with ease, step by step, the path of enlightenment will guild itself into a treasure worth discovering.

Only Through Silence, We Listen

Sometimes silence bonds two people closer together more than words ever could. Listening to his heart beat can be the only noise that reassures me he feels the same way. Alone, he reaches out for my hand in the middle of an empty room or a crowded hall.

"Oh my love! with me you will never be alone...please dry your eyes."

Sigh...

"Why do I miss him so? Maybe it is because he owns the missing piece of my broken soul.
Do I think he will ever fall in love with the me he once knew? 'Yes' is the only answer I would wish upon my faithful star to be true."

Sometimes it can only be through silence - the absence of the one you love - you gain the insight lost during the course of your liaison. The prolonging mental distortion. Silence, in its mystic way, can bring us running back into each others arms. The words we once said in spite, seem to disintegrate, wounds from the harsh memories remain - but somehow life together learns to flourish again without a single flaw.